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Writer's pictureMark Warren

The "Fuck-You" Moment

It's only logical that parents who have multiples would have some funny stories to share about their parenting experiences. Mine starts right from the moment we found out. Picture two somewhat newlyweds moving from the most beloved river town in Eastern North Carolina after accepting new jobs once I separated from the Navy. We pack up, moved 654 miles south, purchased a new home, and new precisely no one. Three months later upon arriving home after a visit to my mom in Missouri who survived a heart attack, my wife looks at me and says ‘I am ready to have a baby. We are in a good spot.” Needless to say, I am ecstatic and utter out the phrase, “it will probably take some time trying anyways.” Low and behold one month later my wife is late on her cycle by two weeks. The irony is she didn’t even notice it. My wife was never late, and it prompted me to raises the question she might want to buy an at home pregnancy test. (Thank the Lord for a good sex-life otherwise neither of us would have thought twice about her tardiness.) Her first at home pregnancy test came back negative. My heart dropped, for years I have coached and loved on 12-15 sons at a time. Not growing up with a father has always fueled the desire to be a very focused and involved dad. However, to my surprise she would bring home two more the next day confirming what we both suspected to be a false reading.

Remember now we had not been living in our new city for very long. As in not long enough to establish a primary care doctor let alone an OBGYN. Right before Christmas my wife settles on a primary care doctor who conducts a blood test to confirm the take home tests. We should have picked up on having twins then as the nurse and him both come back after drawing the labs with a resounding “that was the quickest and unquestionable positive reading I have seen in sometime.” This allows us the chance to not only book an OB appointment after the holidays but to have family members open a special present on Christmas morning. One in particular family member comes to mind, my mother-n-law. Bless her heart! Upon finding out she would be a grandmother for the first time her remark was to enlighten us that twins run in my wife’s family and are due this generation. My first thoughts were don’t confess that we did the trifecta that everyone warns you not to do. Don’t move away from family, buy a new house, and have kids right away. Well don’t tell the Warren’s this because we checked all those boxes.

04 January 2019 we walked into our first OBGYN appointment meeting Dr. Murthy for the first time. The room was situated as to where I could see the screens and my wife had to turn her head somewhat. To be astonishment I could not believe what was on the screen. TWINS!! My first words uttered exactly, “Um doctor can you check to see if there are 3? If so I am out of here.” Followed by me opening the door and fake running. (Mind you we had never spoken to Dr. Murthy before as she was referred by another coach and backed my phenomenal reviews.) She yelled sternly “sir if there is you are still liable, get back in here.” Luckily for me my wife knew exactly who she married and gently grabbed the doctor’s hand and asked if I was being serious about twins. As the report was confirmed I literally saw my wife (who is already pretty pale in complication) turn whiter than an inside of a coconut. As we left the office my first thought came back to my mother-n-law which abruptly lead me to text her “FUCK YOU” we are having twins. With that being said my wife and I constantly look back on the whole process with laughs as it has been the best journey ever!



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