As we embark on road trip after road beginning this weekend and lasting the next 3, it all brings me back to the twins yelling “Go Faster Daddy” as if I am supposed to be driving like Ricky Bobby!! “If you ain’t first you're last” “You gotta learn to drive with the fear, and there ain’t nothing more damn frightening than driving with a live cougar in the car.” Well it is about like that driving with twins in the car!!
1. Being a dad after a while allows you to rock a dad-bod and wear dad things because when the kids are around you, it proves in fact you’ve had sex at least once in life.
2. Wife [walks into kitchen]: DID YOU LET THE TWINS EAT COOKIES AND ICE CREAM FOR DINNER?
Me [looking at the twins eating cookies and ice cream for dinner]: I feel like you already know the answer to this. DO YOU WANT SOME?
Wife: [grabs a spoon]: MAYBE YOU HAVE LIFE FIGURED OUT?
3. My favorite form of cardio is wrestling pajamas onto damp children
4. Twins: “Ouch! Those spiky things hurt!”
Me: Bahahaha. Leg hair, they are talking about your leg hair mom!!
5. I always thought passcodes on phones were for if they got stolen, but they're really just to keep your kids out
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